Watching The Football

One of the things I miss most about home is BBC football commentator John Motson. After friends and family, of course. As a child, my father (hi dad) used to turn the sound off when Motty commentated, which, I think intrigued me. Just how could one man's comments be so inane, so insulting to the intelligence, that I was forced to watch football without the one thing that often makes it bearable?

Regular commenter on this site, Joe, sent me an email today with the subject "Pure Class". There followed no message, but just the following link:
http://football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,4284,1324324,00.html

It speaks for itself.

As an English teacher, and therefore a lover of that "Strange Mistress" the English language (as scholars still seem to insist on personifying it), I often find myself listening to the commentary more intently than I watch the game.

The extended metaphor Motty launched himself into on Saturday was a schooling metaphor - so much the better. If you're in any way interested in football or language, make sure you read the link.

I have long held the belief that Motty, like a fine wine, will continue to improve the more he ages, and, unlike a fine wine, the more insane he becomes. I, for one, hope he never retires.

Some of my favourite football quotes:

Keegan:
"You know, in many ways, cramp is worse than a broken leg."

"He's fast, despite the fact he's wearing white boots."

Of course, Ron Atkinson got himself sacked for saying something that made Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, sound like Martin Luther King.

Andy Gray is rarely guilty of dropping a clanger, but he and Martin Tyler were clearly giggling like schoolboys last season when a player got sent off, and Gray commented:

"I hate seeing players getting needlessly tugged off by the ref before half time."

Of course, I have no idea what they were laughing at...

Finally, even "Mr Cool" and housewive's favourite Des Lynam was prone to the occasional blooper. He once called Crystal Palace:

"Crystal Phallus".

The mind boggles.

Thanks Joe.